Pre-slap, January 3rd:
Alright, here we are… 2019… I haven’t been looking forward to this, but I’m going to be to be seeing Tiffany (AKA T.J. Lockwood) for the first time officially this year. I mean, obviously, she’s over here weekly to record Pondo’s Playground. But, I made a deal with her at the beginning of 2018 that I now must own up to. I’m not sure if anyone will remember it, but in the first few podcasts, I mention an agreement that Tiffany and I made one night after a Business of Writing class. Honestly, I thought nothing of it when I made the deal. It was kind of funny, if nothing else.
“If I don’t finish my first novel by the end of the year, you get to hit me.” I smiled arrogantly.
Tiffany, turning to me with one eyebrow higher than the other, “Oh yeah?”
“Yep,” I laughed. “I think I need real consequences to my actions, and hopefully that will kick my butt into gear.”
Tiffany chuckled lightly while shaking her head, “Alright, deal.”
I don’t claim to be the smartest individual on the planet, I want to make that very clear! I am fully aware that I’m not the brightest apple on the tree. I’m on a low hanging branch, with bugs… small rodents… But damnit it’s my branch!
Anyways, I’m not even completely sure if Tiffany will remember this deal, but I will remind her. If nothing else, I am a man of my word. And believe me, I could sit here and give you a whole list of reasons I didn’t finish a novel. An old co-worker I once had used to say, “Excuses are like arseholes. Everybody’s got one.” In truth, I used to get annoyed when he said it, but there is truth to that statement. The fact of the matter is, I still haven’t finished a novel and it’s 2019. Therefore, Tiffany gets to hit me.
I’m writing this a few day’s before she gets here, with a drink close by, a vision in mind (and fear in my heart…). I haven’t mentioned any of this to her yet, but what I want is to attach a video of Tiffany giving the slap I so deserve. So hopefully I figure that out and that is below. If it is, enjoy. If it’s not, I’ll try harder next time, I promise.
Post Slap Januarary 6th:
My face stung for a while after that. Had to record the episode before I could get to this, so at his point its just an unpleasant memory. You know, When she hit me, my face moved, but my toque (Beanie for you non Canadians out there) stayed where it was. I could feel that it had moved during the face/hand interaction. Although I did invent a at home remedy for sore face, I rubbed my cheek against Ava while she purred. I’m not sure if medically it does anything, but it made me feel better.
Note to self: Don’t make stupid deals like that ever again.